1
00:01:25,127 --> 00:01:27,421
[Ann] Though she spent
just one season here,
2
00:01:27,504 --> 00:01:31,633
Palm Beach will never be the same
after Maxine Dellacorte.
3
00:01:31,717 --> 00:01:33,802
The emotions felt by those who loved her
4
00:01:33,886 --> 00:01:36,763
must be larger than life
and twice as loud.
5
00:01:39,099 --> 00:01:41,602
[Virginia] Serial killers are known
to attend their victims' funerals,
6
00:01:41,685 --> 00:01:44,271
so your funeral
is our best bet to catch Norma.
7
00:01:44,354 --> 00:01:47,024
Until then, you need to sit down
and sit still.
8
00:01:47,107 --> 00:01:49,526
I can't. I'm restless.
9
00:01:50,235 --> 00:01:51,737
Mirabelle was my sister.
10
00:01:51,820 --> 00:01:55,657
She deserves her own funeral.
I think this is… this is grotesque.
11
00:01:55,741 --> 00:01:58,285
Agreed, especially the part
about trapping Norma.
12
00:01:58,869 --> 00:02:00,996
Disagreed, specifically on that point.
13
00:02:01,079 --> 00:02:02,915
You know what'd be even more grotesque?
14
00:02:02,998 --> 00:02:05,292
Your body, if Norma finds you.
15
00:02:06,043 --> 00:02:09,213
- [Ann] Tomorrow, we bury Maxine.
- [door closes]
16
00:02:09,295 --> 00:02:11,798
May she find the peace
that eluded her in life.
17
00:02:11,882 --> 00:02:14,092
Guide me, oh, spirit.
18
00:02:14,176 --> 00:02:18,138
[sniffles] Why have you
abandoned me in my hour of need?
19
00:02:18,722 --> 00:02:20,974
I'm a hostage in my own home.
20
00:02:21,058 --> 00:02:25,395
[Ann] Until her killer, Norma Dellacorte,
is brought to justice.
21
00:02:25,479 --> 00:02:27,481
- [Norma] You're out of cereal.
- [gasps, sighs]
22
00:02:27,564 --> 00:02:33,987
[Ann] May justice be done for the sake
of Maxine's memory and our safety.
23
00:02:34,071 --> 00:02:36,156
[elevator bell dings]
24
00:02:39,826 --> 00:02:41,995
Dinah, what on earth are you doing here?
25
00:02:42,079 --> 00:02:44,831
Identifying the body. [sighs]
26
00:02:45,457 --> 00:02:48,836
Douglas can't bring himself to do it. You?
27
00:02:48,919 --> 00:02:50,587
I was Maxine's conservator.
28
00:02:50,671 --> 00:02:52,673
It's fallen to me to sign her out.
29
00:02:53,549 --> 00:02:54,800
One last time. [sighs]
30
00:02:54,883 --> 00:02:59,388
So selfless of you. It's almost
as selfless as throwing her funeral.
31
00:02:59,972 --> 00:03:01,306
A dead socialite in a pool?
32
00:03:01,390 --> 00:03:04,101
Tragedy rubberneckers
from Orlando to Okahumpka will come
33
00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:05,185
just to say they were there.
34
00:03:05,269 --> 00:03:07,688
It's just what the Palm Royale needs
to stay afloat
35
00:03:07,771 --> 00:03:11,984
after finding Maxine… [stammers] …afloat.
36
00:03:18,699 --> 00:03:21,285
- Will you please go in there with me?
- [elevator bell dings]
37
00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:23,203
[sighs]
38
00:03:24,955 --> 00:03:26,039
[Ann] Ladies.
39
00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:29,126
[Evelyn] Ann, what are you doing here?
40
00:03:30,085 --> 00:03:31,712
Maxine was my friend.
41
00:03:32,462 --> 00:03:38,552
But I'm just here as a member of the press
to verify the identification.
42
00:03:40,137 --> 00:03:42,222
At least that's what I'm telling myself.
43
00:03:42,306 --> 00:03:43,307
[Evelyn sighs]
44
00:03:43,390 --> 00:03:45,058
How's that working for you?
45
00:03:47,102 --> 00:03:48,645
No comment.
46
00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:52,482
- [chewing]
- Stop eating!
47
00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:55,402
I'm "griefting."
48
00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:57,237
"Griefting"?
49
00:03:58,071 --> 00:04:02,075
Grief eating. For Mirabelle and for me.
50
00:04:02,159 --> 00:04:05,454
I'm "griefting" for two.
Douglas must be devastated.
51
00:04:05,537 --> 00:04:06,830
Stop talking about Douglas, Maxine.
52
00:04:06,914 --> 00:04:09,583
I wouldn't expect you to understand.
You always take her side anyway.
53
00:04:09,666 --> 00:04:12,419
Because Norma didn't kill Mirabelle
thinking it was you.
54
00:04:12,503 --> 00:04:15,464
At least Douglas didn't try to poison
or drown me, like your sweet Norma.
55
00:04:15,547 --> 00:04:17,841
The way Douglas treats you,
that's not love.
56
00:04:17,925 --> 00:04:20,594
If Tom did to me
what Douglas did to you, oof!
57
00:04:20,677 --> 00:04:23,430
Tom is. The only difference is
you can't get pregnant, Mitzi.
58
00:04:27,893 --> 00:04:29,144
[Robert sighs]
59
00:04:29,228 --> 00:04:30,854
Hey, Virginia said we can't leave!
60
00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:32,773
[gasps]
61
00:04:34,733 --> 00:04:35,734
[people chattering]
62
00:04:35,817 --> 00:04:37,152
[Maxine] I know what that means!
63
00:04:41,198 --> 00:04:42,824
[Evelyn]
We've all seen dead bodies before.
64
00:04:42,908 --> 00:04:44,868
- [Dinah] I haven't seen a dead body.
- [Evelyn] Oh, wow.
65
00:04:44,952 --> 00:04:47,371
- Oh!
- Oh, God. It's ghastly.
66
00:04:47,454 --> 00:04:49,164
Oh, what's that smell?
67
00:04:49,248 --> 00:04:50,499
Oh, God.
68
00:04:50,582 --> 00:04:52,918
- Oh, they are so dramatic.
- [Dinah] I don't like that.
69
00:04:53,001 --> 00:04:55,045
- All right, we've gotta turn around.
- [Ann] We must.
70
00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:56,797
Okay, on-on… on the count of three.
71
00:04:56,880 --> 00:04:57,923
- Okay.
- Okay.
72
00:04:58,006 --> 00:05:01,385
One, two, three.
73
00:05:03,637 --> 00:05:04,721
- What does she look like?
- No.
74
00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:05,806
- Did you look?
- Didn't do it.
75
00:05:05,889 --> 00:05:07,766
- No. Oh, God. I can't do this.
- I can't.
76
00:05:07,850 --> 00:05:09,560
- Oh, God.
- Is this necessary?
77
00:05:09,643 --> 00:05:11,019
- [Dinah] Do we have to?
- You have to.
78
00:05:11,103 --> 00:05:16,692
Okay. One, two, three…
79
00:05:18,944 --> 00:05:22,239
three point five… four.
80
00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:27,160
- That's not Maxine.
- That is not her.
81
00:05:27,244 --> 00:05:28,537
- What?
- [both] No, that's not her.
82
00:05:28,620 --> 00:05:31,456
I'm not sure who this is,
but this is not our friend, so… so…
83
00:05:31,540 --> 00:05:33,500
- Are you sure?
- Good luck with the, um…
84
00:05:33,584 --> 00:05:34,751
- Come out.
- Get out of the room.
85
00:05:34,835 --> 00:05:36,170
- [sighs] God.
- I'm coming! The woman died!
86
00:05:36,253 --> 00:05:37,254
[sighs]
87
00:05:37,337 --> 00:05:39,423
Round them up,
sequester them somewhere safe,
88
00:05:39,506 --> 00:05:42,593
and make sure no one else
sees this body. No one.
89
00:05:44,094 --> 00:05:45,345
Yes, ma'am. [sighs]
90
00:05:46,471 --> 00:05:48,015
[people chattering]
91
00:05:52,769 --> 00:05:56,398
Hey, mama! What are you doing
sneaking around up there?
92
00:05:57,107 --> 00:05:59,067
They got some good burgers here, right?
93
00:05:59,151 --> 00:06:00,235
Those weren't for me.
94
00:06:00,319 --> 00:06:03,822
I-I-I'm staying with the,
uh, attractive but brooding gentleman.
95
00:06:04,406 --> 00:06:06,742
What are you two doing
squirreled away up there?
96
00:06:06,825 --> 00:06:11,288
[chuckles] No one's supposed to see me.
I'm dead. I'm sorry, Mister…
97
00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:14,791
My friends call me Bruce,
and your secret's safe with me, Miss…
98
00:06:14,875 --> 00:06:18,545
Maxine, um… Just Maxine.
99
00:06:18,629 --> 00:06:19,796
[gasps]
100
00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:22,591
Oh, my God!
101
00:06:23,217 --> 00:06:25,636
Are you the dead socialite
with the funeral tomorrow?
102
00:06:25,719 --> 00:06:27,930
- Maxine Dellacorte?
- You know who I am?
103
00:06:28,597 --> 00:06:32,809
Oh, this is bad.
Oh, this is so beyond bad.
104
00:06:32,893 --> 00:06:36,021
This is… This is a tragedy.
This is Carmen.
105
00:06:36,104 --> 00:06:38,148
I-I really can't have
another person crying over me.
106
00:06:38,232 --> 00:06:42,402
No, I'm not. A very close
"friend" of mine from out of town
107
00:06:42,486 --> 00:06:45,781
is supposed to attend your funeral
tomorrow, but if you're alive, then…
108
00:06:45,864 --> 00:06:48,408
Well, I guess he's not coming
to Palm Beach after all.
109
00:06:50,494 --> 00:06:53,121
I'm not supposed to tell you this,
but… [sighs]
110
00:06:53,205 --> 00:06:57,543
…great news.
The funeral's actually still on.
111
00:06:59,044 --> 00:07:02,297
You better get down here
to this hot tub right now.
112
00:07:03,340 --> 00:07:06,844
- What? Oh.
- Come to the tub! Come to the tub!
113
00:07:06,927 --> 00:07:10,681
Come on! Come to the tub! Come to the tub!
114
00:07:10,764 --> 00:07:14,560
- Come to the tub! Come to the tub!
- Okay.
115
00:07:14,643 --> 00:07:18,021
She's coming! She's coming to the tub!
116
00:07:18,105 --> 00:07:19,273
I'm comin'! I'm comin'!
117
00:07:19,356 --> 00:07:22,359
Get on down here, mama!
118
00:07:22,442 --> 00:07:25,279
Let's go! Grand entrance!
119
00:07:25,362 --> 00:07:27,823
Give it up for dead Maxine, everybody!
120
00:07:31,201 --> 00:07:32,452
[Mitzi] I don't wanna do this.
121
00:07:32,536 --> 00:07:37,207
The funeral, the big wedding,
the constant public humiliation.
122
00:07:37,291 --> 00:07:39,376
- Promise me once the baby is born…
- [sighs]
123
00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:42,129
…I won't have to jump through
any more hoops or loops…
124
00:07:42,212 --> 00:07:44,548
- [sniffles] …or ex-wife funerals.
- I promise.
125
00:07:44,631 --> 00:07:46,967
We just have to fly to Switzerland first.
126
00:07:48,302 --> 00:07:49,636
Why are we flying to Switzerland?
127
00:07:49,720 --> 00:07:53,223
To s-sew up the-the baby trust
with the bank.
128
00:07:53,307 --> 00:07:57,728
I-I-It's a paperwork thing. I-I'm sorry,
I-I-I should have told you earlier.
129
00:07:57,811 --> 00:07:59,980
[Perry] Dinah!
130
00:08:00,063 --> 00:08:01,732
Norma sent another note!
131
00:08:03,609 --> 00:08:04,693
[sighs]
132
00:08:04,776 --> 00:08:06,403
- Where's Dinah?
- She went to the morgue.
133
00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:07,529
Not if I can help it.
134
00:08:07,613 --> 00:08:08,739
The literal morgue, Perry.
135
00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:11,283
She just went there
to identify Max's body for me.
136
00:08:13,243 --> 00:08:16,496
"I'm coming for you.
I'll see you at the funeral."
137
00:08:16,580 --> 00:08:18,665
I shouldn't have let her go in my place.
138
00:08:18,749 --> 00:08:20,834
- Better find Dinah before Norma does.
- I'll come with you.
139
00:08:20,918 --> 00:08:22,711
- Okay.
- Ah, fuck. I gotta get changed first.
140
00:08:22,794 --> 00:08:24,379
Do not leave me here alone, Douglas.
141
00:08:25,297 --> 00:08:29,092
You're carrying the Dellacorte heir.
Norma would never hurt you.
142
00:08:31,428 --> 00:08:33,804
[Maxine] I found out I had a twin sister
and her name was Mirabelle,
143
00:08:33,889 --> 00:08:37,017
and this woman, Norma,
who is my husband's… ex-husband's aunt,
144
00:08:37,100 --> 00:08:38,936
she tried to kill me, thinking it was me,
145
00:08:39,019 --> 00:08:41,480
- but she ended up killing Mirabelle.
- [chuckles] I love you.
146
00:08:41,563 --> 00:08:42,563
[chuckles]
147
00:08:42,648 --> 00:08:44,358
You're the most fascinating woman
I've ever met.
148
00:08:44,441 --> 00:08:45,526
You're like Doris Day
149
00:08:45,609 --> 00:08:47,736
- if she wasn't such a big jerk.
- [gasps] Thank you.
150
00:08:47,819 --> 00:08:51,156
I've told ex-lovers of mine they're
gonna miss me when I'm gone, but you?
151
00:08:51,240 --> 00:08:53,951
You actually get to see
your ex-husband missing you.
152
00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:56,870
You get to hear the tears,
see the rending of garments.
153
00:08:56,954 --> 00:08:58,830
Shoot, I'm not gonna
be able to see any of that.
154
00:08:58,914 --> 00:09:02,668
Well, Maxine, I do have a car.
155
00:09:02,751 --> 00:09:06,213
Oh, I really would love to see him cry.
156
00:09:06,922 --> 00:09:09,925
Did we just become best friends
that are about to spy on our men?
157
00:09:10,008 --> 00:09:12,553
- I think so.
- Let's go!
158
00:09:12,636 --> 00:09:14,596
Maxine, everybody!
159
00:09:15,639 --> 00:09:17,641
[phone ringing]
160
00:09:23,063 --> 00:09:27,067
Excuse me, I need to speak
to Agent Trainee Tom Sanka
161
00:09:27,150 --> 00:09:28,777
about the murder of Maxine Dellacorte.
162
00:09:28,861 --> 00:09:30,237
Tom Sanka no longer works here.
163
00:09:30,320 --> 00:09:31,363
What?
164
00:09:31,446 --> 00:09:34,575
[Perry] Why does the FBI care nothing
about the endangered wives of Palm Beach?
165
00:09:34,658 --> 00:09:35,659
[Douglas] Robert?
166
00:09:35,742 --> 00:09:37,578
[agent] Why would Norma Dellacorte
wanna kill your wife?
167
00:09:37,661 --> 00:09:41,665
[Perry] Because Norma knows that Dinah
knows that Norma killed Axel Rosenhips.
168
00:09:41,748 --> 00:09:45,210
[Douglas] I can't believe
that she's gone. [cries, sniffles]
169
00:09:45,294 --> 00:09:46,920
This is so fucked, man.
170
00:09:47,546 --> 00:09:49,756
That's so true, brother. So true.
171
00:09:52,009 --> 00:09:55,846
My wife, a potential
future First Lady of Palm Beach,
172
00:09:55,929 --> 00:09:58,765
is receiving death threats
from the same killer
173
00:09:58,849 --> 00:10:02,186
who put this sad sack's ex-wife
in the morgue across town.
174
00:10:02,269 --> 00:10:03,729
- And?
- [Perry] And
175
00:10:03,812 --> 00:10:08,275
we allowed my wife
to identify the dead body of his ex-wife,
176
00:10:08,358 --> 00:10:10,194
and now my wife is in danger.
177
00:10:10,777 --> 00:10:13,280
If you don't hear from her in 24 hours,
178
00:10:13,363 --> 00:10:15,365
you can come back here
and report her missing.
179
00:10:15,991 --> 00:10:19,036
Look at him. Look at him,
180
00:10:19,119 --> 00:10:20,704
this sad husk of a human.
181
00:10:20,787 --> 00:10:26,210
The morgue told us that no one could see
his ex-wife on the orders of the FBI.
182
00:10:26,293 --> 00:10:28,212
No one else sees her until the funeral.
183
00:10:28,295 --> 00:10:30,547
You're gonna keep her on ice,
184
00:10:30,631 --> 00:10:32,966
when I know best what her wishes were?
185
00:10:33,884 --> 00:10:34,968
Shame on you.
186
00:10:39,056 --> 00:10:42,976
[Perry] It's a doozy, Dougboat.
No doubt about it. A doozy.
187
00:10:43,602 --> 00:10:47,481
Maxine wouldn't wanna be on display
like some ornamental fern.
188
00:10:48,273 --> 00:10:49,691
[Douglas sighs]
189
00:10:49,775 --> 00:10:51,985
She always said that if she went first,
190
00:10:52,569 --> 00:10:56,156
she'd want her ashes to be scattered
in the wind from my biplane.
191
00:10:58,575 --> 00:10:59,743
Hey, uh…
192
00:11:01,745 --> 00:11:04,248
Do you need a… a hug?
193
00:11:04,831 --> 00:11:06,083
[Douglas] Yeah.
194
00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:07,251
[Perry] Oh.
195
00:11:10,712 --> 00:11:12,005
- That's it.
- [crying]
196
00:11:14,258 --> 00:11:16,844
- Sorry. [sniffles]
- Ah, don't worry about that.
197
00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:23,183
God… [sniffles]
I just wanna be able to honor her.
198
00:11:24,393 --> 00:11:27,271
You know, honor her
in a way that I couldn't in life.
199
00:11:28,397 --> 00:11:31,483
Ah, I got to get back to Mitzi. [sighs]
200
00:11:31,567 --> 00:11:34,903
- Let me drive you.
- No, thanks, man. I'll… I'm gonna walk.
201
00:11:36,029 --> 00:11:37,447
[sighs]
202
00:11:49,668 --> 00:11:53,463
Gosh, I really hope I didn't miss Douglas.
I wanna see him wail.
203
00:11:54,131 --> 00:11:57,384
Listen, who is the mystery man
coming to my funeral?
204
00:11:59,720 --> 00:12:02,931
This is not a Japanese decorative pond.
Do not be coy.
205
00:12:03,015 --> 00:12:06,894
- I can't. He's well known. Famous.
- Oh.
206
00:12:07,477 --> 00:12:08,478
Oh.
207
00:12:09,313 --> 00:12:12,316
Okay, well, you can tell me.
I'm dead, remember?
208
00:12:12,399 --> 00:12:14,234
- Oh, please just give me a hint.
- Okay, just a hint.
209
00:12:14,318 --> 00:12:16,361
- Okay.
- Okay.
210
00:12:17,321 --> 00:12:22,492
A boulder,
plus a body of water in New York.
211
00:12:26,496 --> 00:12:27,664
- No?
- No.
212
00:12:28,373 --> 00:12:29,374
Okay, um…
213
00:12:30,334 --> 00:12:33,045
Doris Day's best friend.
214
00:12:33,128 --> 00:12:35,881
[gasps] Tony Randall?
215
00:12:35,964 --> 00:12:37,841
No, but he's around.
216
00:12:38,675 --> 00:12:44,097
Okay, it rhymes with Sock Sudson.
217
00:12:44,765 --> 00:12:46,517
Rock… [gasps]
218
00:12:46,600 --> 00:12:48,519
- Rock Hudson's coming to my funeral?
- [shushes] Stop!
219
00:12:49,102 --> 00:12:50,938
- He'd be ruined if it got out.
- Oh, my gosh.
220
00:12:51,021 --> 00:12:53,023
- That's so exciting. Oh.
- Yes!
221
00:12:53,607 --> 00:12:55,859
Oh, my God. I swear to God,
it's like a fairy tale.
222
00:12:55,943 --> 00:12:58,445
- Oh, my goodness.
- In that I never know if it's real.
223
00:12:58,529 --> 00:13:00,864
- The other guys think I made him up.
- If it's real to you,
224
00:13:00,948 --> 00:13:03,033
then who cares what the world thinks.
225
00:13:03,951 --> 00:13:07,871
It doesn't matter if he's a movie star
or, well, an ex-husband.
226
00:13:08,455 --> 00:13:09,873
Yeah, back to you.
227
00:13:10,415 --> 00:13:13,335
Why, if he's your ex-husband,
do you keep coming back?
228
00:13:13,418 --> 00:13:14,670
[Maxine sighs]
229
00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:18,215
Do you promise you won't judge me,
or tell me to let it go,
230
00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:20,551
or make me list
all of his transgressions in detail?
231
00:13:20,634 --> 00:13:21,969
Who do you think I am?
232
00:13:23,637 --> 00:13:24,721
[Maxine] Okay.
233
00:13:26,807 --> 00:13:29,268
You can't go back to a man you never left.
234
00:13:31,061 --> 00:13:34,982
And Mirabelle, the twin sister
I just found out I had,
235
00:13:35,065 --> 00:13:38,819
I told her the big secret that Douglas
was the only man that I would ever love.
236
00:13:38,902 --> 00:13:41,572
And then he confessed to her
his love for her,
237
00:13:41,655 --> 00:13:43,824
which he thought was me,
and then Mirabelle died.
238
00:13:44,908 --> 00:13:47,244
- I know, it's a lot to process.
- Yeah.
239
00:13:48,036 --> 00:13:51,790
You haven't had time to grieve
your sister or your marriage.
240
00:13:52,916 --> 00:13:53,959
You are very wise.
241
00:13:54,042 --> 00:13:56,420
- We're a wise people.
- Yes.
242
00:13:59,464 --> 00:14:00,757
[Maxine gasps]
243
00:14:00,841 --> 00:14:03,760
- [Maxine] Speaking of grieving.
- Is that the new one?
244
00:14:03,844 --> 00:14:06,513
- Gosh, yes.
- I hate to see a chic girl cry.
245
00:14:06,597 --> 00:14:07,764
[Maxine sighs]
246
00:14:07,848 --> 00:14:09,057
[Maxine] Here.
247
00:14:10,058 --> 00:14:11,560
[grunts]
248
00:14:11,643 --> 00:14:13,645
Stop. What are you doing?
249
00:14:13,729 --> 00:14:15,939
I can't watch someone cry,
even if it's her.
250
00:14:16,023 --> 00:14:18,775
That was the whole point.
We came to watch people cry.
251
00:14:18,859 --> 00:14:22,863
I have done everything you told me to…
252
00:14:25,741 --> 00:14:27,534
but I can't do it anymore.
253
00:14:29,786 --> 00:14:33,207
You said no one would get hurt. [sobs]
254
00:14:34,625 --> 00:14:36,293
[screams]
255
00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:39,463
What happened?
256
00:14:39,546 --> 00:14:40,714
[Maxine] She fainted.
257
00:14:57,105 --> 00:14:58,899
Is Agent Sanka here?
258
00:14:58,982 --> 00:15:01,151
Tom left, Robert.
259
00:15:01,235 --> 00:15:03,070
I am so sorry.
260
00:15:06,156 --> 00:15:10,827
I would never do anything to hurt him,
and if I'd known he'd lose his job…
261
00:15:10,911 --> 00:15:14,915
He didn't. J. Edgar Hoover himself
has taken an interest.
262
00:15:15,666 --> 00:15:18,836
A transfer was offered,
and I insisted he take it
263
00:15:18,919 --> 00:15:20,504
before something bad could happen.
264
00:15:21,338 --> 00:15:22,339
Again.
265
00:15:23,924 --> 00:15:27,177
I don't know what rules you live by
in Palm Beach,
266
00:15:28,095 --> 00:15:30,264
but some things aren't for you,
267
00:15:31,181 --> 00:15:33,016
including my husband.
268
00:15:33,684 --> 00:15:35,185
We have children together.
269
00:15:37,437 --> 00:15:38,772
Do you know what that's like?
270
00:15:39,523 --> 00:15:40,524
[sighs]
271
00:15:41,316 --> 00:15:42,526
Of course you don't.
272
00:15:44,778 --> 00:15:46,280
Can you tell him I said goodbye?
273
00:15:47,072 --> 00:15:48,073
Please.
274
00:15:48,657 --> 00:15:50,784
Yes, I can…
275
00:15:52,661 --> 00:15:53,871
but I won't.
276
00:15:57,708 --> 00:16:01,211
[breathing heavily]
277
00:16:03,505 --> 00:16:04,506
[groans]
278
00:16:05,090 --> 00:16:06,466
[Maxine] Do you think she's okay?
279
00:16:06,550 --> 00:16:08,177
What about the baby?
You think the baby's okay?
280
00:16:08,260 --> 00:16:09,803
She's akimbo on the wall to wall.
281
00:16:09,887 --> 00:16:11,430
This is how I spent my 20s. She's fine.
282
00:16:11,513 --> 00:16:12,973
- Well, let's get her to the bed.
- Yeah.
283
00:16:13,056 --> 00:16:15,309
- You get heads, I'll get tails.
- I'll try to keep her hair nice.
284
00:16:15,392 --> 00:16:17,144
- Oh.
- Okay, from the knees.
285
00:16:17,728 --> 00:16:19,062
- Oh.
- Oh.
286
00:16:19,146 --> 00:16:20,397
- Okay.
- Okay.
287
00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:23,984
- One, two, three, alley-oop. [sighs]
- Step. Two…
288
00:16:24,067 --> 00:16:25,736
- [sighs]
- Protect the head.
289
00:16:25,819 --> 00:16:28,405
- Okay.
- Okay. Gorgeous.
290
00:16:29,323 --> 00:16:30,699
- [mouthing] Wow.
- [sighs]
291
00:16:30,782 --> 00:16:31,867
Really scared her, didn't I?
292
00:16:31,950 --> 00:16:35,162
You are literally haunting the woman
who stole your husband.
293
00:16:36,371 --> 00:16:38,749
Golly, that is sweet revenge.
294
00:16:38,832 --> 00:16:41,585
[chuckles]
Should we let her stew in it a bit longer?
295
00:16:42,169 --> 00:16:45,005
Yeah, let's go back to the hot tub
and do some old-fashioned gloating.
296
00:16:45,088 --> 00:16:47,174
- [chuckling]
- Sleep tight, Mitzi.
297
00:16:48,592 --> 00:16:52,763
I actually used to think minestrone was
boring, but I don't think that anymore.
298
00:16:52,846 --> 00:16:54,181
I used to feel that way about chowder.
299
00:16:54,264 --> 00:16:57,476
- Oh, my gosh. Soup sisters. [chuckles]
- Soup sisters. [chuckles]
300
00:16:57,559 --> 00:16:59,353
Where in the literal fuck have you been?
301
00:17:00,270 --> 00:17:01,897
[Maxine] Oh, um…
302
00:17:01,980 --> 00:17:03,482
I went to see Douglas.
303
00:17:03,565 --> 00:17:05,943
Just-Just to soothe his grief
over my alleged death,
304
00:17:06,026 --> 00:17:07,778
but don't worry, he did not see me.
305
00:17:07,861 --> 00:17:09,905
But Mitzi did,
and she thinks Maxine's a ghost.
306
00:17:09,988 --> 00:17:11,198
Who are you?
307
00:17:11,281 --> 00:17:13,367
Oh, sorry, manners.
308
00:17:13,450 --> 00:17:15,618
This is Bruce, my new best friend.
He's gay.
309
00:17:15,702 --> 00:17:17,996
- Maybe don't tell people that.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
310
00:17:18,079 --> 00:17:20,415
Okay, look, one of two things
are gonna happen.
311
00:17:20,499 --> 00:17:22,376
Either you stay dead and we catch Norma,
312
00:17:22,459 --> 00:17:25,170
or the next funeral in Palm Beach
will actually be yours.
313
00:17:25,253 --> 00:17:26,713
Nobody else can see you.
314
00:17:27,297 --> 00:17:29,633
There's only so many women
this gay motel can hold.
315
00:17:30,467 --> 00:17:31,468
There's other women here?
316
00:17:32,219 --> 00:17:33,220
[sighs]
317
00:17:33,303 --> 00:17:35,722
Nothing Norma could inflict on us
would be worse than this room.
318
00:17:35,806 --> 00:17:37,266
I do like the bedspread.
319
00:17:37,349 --> 00:17:39,643
Not after you read the comments
in the guest book.
320
00:17:39,726 --> 00:17:40,978
Ugh.
321
00:17:41,061 --> 00:17:42,104
[Ann] Hmm.
322
00:17:42,187 --> 00:17:44,231
[pop music playing on radio softly]
323
00:17:44,314 --> 00:17:45,941
I'll sleep in the bathtub.
324
00:17:46,024 --> 00:17:47,234
- [Ann] Ugh.
- [Dinah sighs]
325
00:17:47,860 --> 00:17:49,236
You might wanna rethink that.
326
00:17:49,319 --> 00:17:50,320
- What?
- [sighs]
327
00:17:50,946 --> 00:17:52,364
- Hi, pals.
- [Evelyn] Maxine?
328
00:17:52,447 --> 00:17:54,783
- I am so glad you're alive.
- [Ann sighs]
329
00:17:54,867 --> 00:17:56,159
Now I can kill you myself.
330
00:17:56,243 --> 00:17:59,371
I will explain everything to you
a-a-and answer all of your questions.
331
00:18:00,372 --> 00:18:03,000
But can we do it downstairs
in the Jacuzzi?
332
00:18:03,083 --> 00:18:06,712
See, my new gay best friend, Bruce,
he's invited us all to a pool party.
333
00:18:06,795 --> 00:18:07,796
Jacuzzi mixer, he called it.
334
00:18:07,880 --> 00:18:10,507
The guest book calls it egg drop soup.
335
00:18:10,591 --> 00:18:13,177
Virginia said nobody can see us.
336
00:18:13,260 --> 00:18:16,680
We can't go cavorting in a Jacuzzi.
I am a target, Maxine.
337
00:18:16,763 --> 00:18:18,098
These men are very discreet.
338
00:18:18,182 --> 00:18:20,058
Why would we go to a gay party with you?
339
00:18:21,185 --> 00:18:25,063
Because in the wake of tragedy,
the only thing we have is community.
340
00:18:26,732 --> 00:18:28,942
And there are no minibars
and they have tons of booze.
341
00:18:29,026 --> 00:18:31,653
- [clicks tongue] Now you're talking.
- [whispers] Yay. Come.
342
00:18:32,571 --> 00:18:34,156
You know, you should have led with that.
343
00:18:34,239 --> 00:18:36,033
[Ann] I don't know how
I'm gonna write about this, but…
344
00:18:36,116 --> 00:18:40,829
Ooh, white hanky, that means they
just like to watch and stroke it together.
345
00:18:40,913 --> 00:18:42,247
[pop music plays on speakers]
346
00:18:42,331 --> 00:18:43,916
- Oh.
- Do you ever stroke it?
347
00:18:44,958 --> 00:18:47,544
Uh, I have. [chuckles]
348
00:18:47,628 --> 00:18:49,296
- Not my favorite thing to do.
- Oh.
349
00:18:49,379 --> 00:18:52,341
It's more attitude
that makes a bear a bear.
350
00:18:52,424 --> 00:18:53,926
And their general interest in nipples.
351
00:18:54,009 --> 00:18:58,347
I panic every time,
and I just can't do it, and I feel like…
352
00:18:58,430 --> 00:19:00,098
- [Dinah] What?
- I'm broken.
353
00:19:00,182 --> 00:19:02,476
You just have to relax
354
00:19:03,352 --> 00:19:07,731
and learn how to relax
into your breathing.
355
00:19:08,815 --> 00:19:10,150
Do you have access to a bidet?
356
00:19:10,234 --> 00:19:12,819
- Wait…
- Do you and your husband…
357
00:19:12,903 --> 00:19:14,238
Perry says it reminds him
358
00:19:14,321 --> 00:19:15,989
- of boarding school.
- [chuckles]
359
00:19:16,073 --> 00:19:18,325
Oh, hey now,
we're not all sex-crazed perverts.
360
00:19:18,408 --> 00:19:19,618
That would be the pigs.
361
00:19:20,619 --> 00:19:21,620
I see.
362
00:19:22,829 --> 00:19:27,084
And what kind of a man would a whale be?
363
00:19:27,167 --> 00:19:28,293
I'm a blower.
364
00:19:28,377 --> 00:19:29,878
[gasps] I love that.
365
00:19:29,962 --> 00:19:33,298
- Light blue. Light blue, left pocket.
- This is stunning.
366
00:19:33,382 --> 00:19:35,884
Do you know that I was the inspiration
for the roommate in The Bell Jar?
367
00:19:35,968 --> 00:19:37,386
[gasps]
368
00:19:37,469 --> 00:19:39,721
- Gosh, I just love all your pals.
- I mean, come on.
369
00:19:39,805 --> 00:19:42,099
Thanks for including us
and making us feel welcome.
370
00:19:42,182 --> 00:19:43,684
Well, it's not totally selfless.
371
00:19:44,184 --> 00:19:46,728
Cops won't raid a party with women.
372
00:19:47,271 --> 00:19:49,606
- Mmm.
- [Virginia] What are you doing?
373
00:19:49,690 --> 00:19:52,276
Out here looking folks in the eyes,
telling people about your own funeral.
374
00:19:52,359 --> 00:19:53,694
Bruce invited us all to a party.
375
00:19:53,777 --> 00:19:55,445
Oh, everyone, this is Virginia!
376
00:19:55,529 --> 00:19:56,822
She's a federal agent.
377
00:19:56,905 --> 00:19:58,156
- [record scratch]
- [music stops]
378
00:19:58,240 --> 00:20:01,827
Ladies, do you mind joining me
for a private chat?
379
00:20:01,910 --> 00:20:04,496
This woman is like the plague.
380
00:20:04,580 --> 00:20:06,665
Oh, God. Get rid of her. [chuckles]
381
00:20:08,125 --> 00:20:09,877
- Feel better.
- Thanks. [sighs]
382
00:20:12,754 --> 00:20:15,465
[Virginia] Ladies,
nothing can go wrong tomorrow.
383
00:20:15,549 --> 00:20:19,553
Evelyn, you're in charge of the funeral
while Dinah will sit in the pew and wait.
384
00:20:19,636 --> 00:20:21,638
For what? For Norma to kill me?
385
00:20:22,347 --> 00:20:26,643
Will I at least get a security detail
or a b-bulletproof vest?
386
00:20:26,727 --> 00:20:30,355
Discretion is key. Y'all can't tell nobody
about this thing, not even your husbands.
387
00:20:30,439 --> 00:20:33,483
Great. And then you
and I will be in the balcony together
388
00:20:33,567 --> 00:20:36,862
where we'll, you know,
surveil the premises.
389
00:20:36,945 --> 00:20:39,364
I think it's best
for you to attend the services, Ann.
390
00:20:39,990 --> 00:20:41,783
Providing credibility as press.
391
00:20:41,867 --> 00:20:44,036
But this was our case.
We were working it together.
392
00:20:44,119 --> 00:20:45,829
Yeah, well, it's the FBI's case now.
393
00:20:46,705 --> 00:20:48,457
I got complete buy-in for once.
394
00:20:50,626 --> 00:20:52,419
Your staff is to proceed as instructed.
395
00:20:52,503 --> 00:20:57,674
May I point out that, like Dinah, there is
zero upside in my participation here?
396
00:20:58,258 --> 00:21:00,719
Okay. And-And what about me?
[chuckles] What's my role?
397
00:21:00,802 --> 00:21:03,430
- Your sister is playing your role.
- I have to go to my own funeral.
398
00:21:03,514 --> 00:21:05,516
I need to see Norma's capture.
I must be there.
399
00:21:05,599 --> 00:21:07,184
- I'll see you all tomorrow.
- [Maxine sighs]
400
00:21:07,267 --> 00:21:08,727
Except Maxine.
401
00:21:14,691 --> 00:21:16,485
[Maxine] Oh. Well, look who it is.
402
00:21:18,695 --> 00:21:21,323
Boys. Boys, I-I have a question for you.
403
00:21:21,406 --> 00:21:24,284
If your best friend
was almost killed by an old lady,
404
00:21:24,368 --> 00:21:29,122
and that same old lady accidentally killed
her twin sister instead,
405
00:21:29,206 --> 00:21:30,749
whose side would you be on, huh?
406
00:21:30,832 --> 00:21:32,709
Your best friend's or the mean old lady's?
407
00:21:35,337 --> 00:21:37,089
- Yours!
- Thank you, Bruce.
408
00:21:37,589 --> 00:21:39,758
- See?
- [Robert] I saw Douglas.
409
00:21:39,842 --> 00:21:41,301
He's not taking your death well.
410
00:21:42,052 --> 00:21:43,303
Even I feel bad for him,
411
00:21:43,387 --> 00:21:46,139
but don't let it spoil your fun
with your new friends.
412
00:21:59,695 --> 00:22:01,697
[melancholy music playing]
413
00:22:12,249 --> 00:22:15,252
[Maxine laughing]
414
00:22:15,335 --> 00:22:18,172
- Me? [laughs]
- [people laughing]
415
00:22:18,255 --> 00:22:19,298
[Bruce] Seriously.
416
00:22:19,381 --> 00:22:21,133
You ever had something called…
[speaks indistinctly]
417
00:22:21,216 --> 00:22:22,384
- [Maxine] Yes!
- [Bruce laughs]
418
00:22:22,467 --> 00:22:24,178
That's the funniest thing I've ever heard…
419
00:22:24,261 --> 00:22:25,888
- Well, I was just…
- …from a male friend.
420
00:22:25,971 --> 00:22:27,598
[Maxine chuckling]
421
00:22:27,681 --> 00:22:29,892
It doesn't! [chuckles]
422
00:22:29,975 --> 00:22:31,560
[Bruce] Oh, my God.
423
00:22:31,643 --> 00:22:34,646
All right. I mean, look,
a picture, a portrait, but…
424
00:22:36,982 --> 00:22:38,442
[Evelyn] What in the world?
425
00:22:38,525 --> 00:22:40,527
Excuse me, you're not allowed in here.
426
00:22:40,611 --> 00:22:42,821
You can't take those. What do… [stammers]
427
00:22:42,905 --> 00:22:44,198
Put those down!
428
00:22:44,698 --> 00:22:46,366
[stammers] Hello?
429
00:22:47,034 --> 00:22:49,828
Virginia,
get your officers out of my office.
430
00:22:49,912 --> 00:22:51,121
[Virginia] It's out of my jurisdiction.
431
00:22:51,205 --> 00:22:53,582
What's that saying about death and taxes?
432
00:22:53,665 --> 00:22:55,584
Not even the FBI can stop a federal audit.
433
00:22:55,667 --> 00:22:56,919
Taxes? You mean, I…
434
00:22:57,002 --> 00:22:59,129
[Virginia] I told you and Maxine
to let me handle Pinky.
435
00:22:59,213 --> 00:23:00,756
But no, you had to call the IRS.
436
00:23:00,839 --> 00:23:02,466
They showed up last night.
437
00:23:02,549 --> 00:23:04,384
Where were you? You never came to bed.
438
00:23:04,468 --> 00:23:05,802
Well… [scoffs]
439
00:23:05,886 --> 00:23:07,095
[mouthing] No, no.
440
00:23:07,763 --> 00:23:10,766
Late night funeral prep.
This is the biggest event of the season.
441
00:23:11,391 --> 00:23:12,476
Insomnia.
442
00:23:13,018 --> 00:23:14,853
I thought this might help, ma'am.
443
00:23:14,937 --> 00:23:16,021
With your grief…
444
00:23:16,104 --> 00:23:18,023
- [sighs]
- …and the IRS.
445
00:23:18,106 --> 00:23:19,107
Jed, thank you.
446
00:23:19,191 --> 00:23:21,360
You don't ask how to help, you just do it.
447
00:23:21,944 --> 00:23:23,445
- I like that.
- Oh.
448
00:23:25,906 --> 00:23:27,533
Why don't you go clean the pool, Jed?
449
00:23:27,616 --> 00:23:29,660
[Virginia] Actually, I'm gonna need Jed
on door duty.
450
00:23:29,743 --> 00:23:33,413
This is still an active murder scene,
so we're gonna need extra security.
451
00:23:34,164 --> 00:23:37,000
Ma'am, we have a major problem.
452
00:23:37,793 --> 00:23:41,255
It's hard enough grieving my sister I've
only known for as long as I've known you.
453
00:23:41,338 --> 00:23:44,466
- Hmm.
- But the event of the off-season,
454
00:23:44,550 --> 00:23:46,009
in my honor, and I can't even go.
455
00:23:46,093 --> 00:23:49,805
You have to report back to me
in full detail. Preferably written.
456
00:23:50,848 --> 00:23:52,182
I'm not going.
457
00:23:53,600 --> 00:23:55,853
What? We both can't not go.
458
00:23:56,478 --> 00:23:57,563
Rock sent a note.
459
00:23:57,646 --> 00:24:00,732
"Too much publicity.
Rendezvous rescheduled."
460
00:24:01,608 --> 00:24:05,362
He said he'd call after,
but… [scoffs] …not getting my hopes up.
461
00:24:05,445 --> 00:24:08,657
If you want to make a man hear you,
you've got to make a man see you.
462
00:24:08,740 --> 00:24:09,741
Some advice.
463
00:24:09,825 --> 00:24:12,119
Don't take her advice,
especially if it's about men.
464
00:24:12,202 --> 00:24:14,371
And where are you off to
with that fancy suitcase?
465
00:24:14,454 --> 00:24:18,208
I'm going to your fake funeral to give
a fake eulogy as a fake American hero.
466
00:24:18,292 --> 00:24:20,711
I hear you. Fake. But what's with the bag?
467
00:24:20,794 --> 00:24:23,505
Well, I'm taking this to Norma
just in case she gets arrested.
468
00:24:23,589 --> 00:24:24,840
You know what it's like, Maxine.
469
00:24:24,923 --> 00:24:26,592
To be stripped from your dignity,
470
00:24:26,675 --> 00:24:28,886
tossed in a cell
and stuffed into a paper gown.
471
00:24:31,513 --> 00:24:33,140
Well, at least I didn't kill my sister!
472
00:24:35,309 --> 00:24:36,560
That middle finger again.
473
00:24:36,643 --> 00:24:38,812
Ugh, let's blow this joint.
474
00:24:38,896 --> 00:24:39,938
[Bruce] Yeah.
475
00:24:40,022 --> 00:24:41,565
[mysterious music playing]
476
00:24:45,235 --> 00:24:47,196
Wow. You are very good at this, Bruce.
477
00:24:47,279 --> 00:24:50,115
[laughs] You should have seen me
outside the Ice Station Zebra premiere.
478
00:24:50,199 --> 00:24:51,742
- Oh.
- By the way, look at that one.
479
00:24:51,825 --> 00:24:53,827
- She's devastated.
- Oh.
480
00:24:53,911 --> 00:24:56,580
Yeah, her plastic surgeon,
he's a heavy drinker.
481
00:24:56,663 --> 00:24:59,374
I always say if she sneezes,
she might look like a basset hound.
482
00:24:59,458 --> 00:25:00,501
[Bruce snorts]
483
00:25:01,251 --> 00:25:02,294
Terrible. [laughs]
484
00:25:02,377 --> 00:25:06,256
[laughs] Oh, look who just zipped up
on his Vespa.
485
00:25:06,882 --> 00:25:07,883
Ugh.
486
00:25:08,509 --> 00:25:11,512
- Oh, my God. It's him.
- [Maxine] Who?
487
00:25:12,429 --> 00:25:14,431
- My Rock.
- [gasps]
488
00:25:14,515 --> 00:25:18,060
Ugh. And he's with Reagan.
489
00:25:18,977 --> 00:25:20,562
The governor of California?
490
00:25:20,646 --> 00:25:22,773
[Bruce] No, his wife.
491
00:25:23,273 --> 00:25:24,816
She's Rock's best Judy.
492
00:25:25,484 --> 00:25:27,110
I think her name's Nancy.
493
00:25:28,362 --> 00:25:29,488
You have a lot to learn.
494
00:25:29,571 --> 00:25:31,281
Nancy learned a lot from me too.
495
00:25:31,365 --> 00:25:34,201
She can fit a golf ball through
a garden hose now thanks to me.
496
00:25:34,868 --> 00:25:35,869
[Bruce sighs]
497
00:25:35,953 --> 00:25:37,955
[Maxine gasps] Oh, gosh.
498
00:25:38,872 --> 00:25:40,207
Mirabelle's in there
499
00:25:40,290 --> 00:25:43,585
and I'm sitting here
talking about movie stars and golf balls.
500
00:25:43,669 --> 00:25:46,338
I need to give her a proper goodbye.
I'm going in.
501
00:25:46,421 --> 00:25:48,674
Maxine, you'll never get in
through the front door.
502
00:25:49,341 --> 00:25:52,386
If there's one thing I know how to do,
it's sneak into the Palm Royale.
503
00:25:52,469 --> 00:25:53,595
[Bruce sighs]
504
00:25:54,680 --> 00:25:56,348
And you are still invited to my funeral.
505
00:25:56,431 --> 00:25:58,016
They'll never let me in dressed like this.
506
00:25:58,100 --> 00:25:59,518
[pants] Wish me luck.
507
00:25:59,601 --> 00:26:00,853
Good luck, Maxine.
508
00:26:00,936 --> 00:26:02,688
Promise me you'll make him see you.
509
00:26:03,397 --> 00:26:04,773
[golf cart departs]
510
00:26:12,781 --> 00:26:14,783
[dramatic music playing]
511
00:26:15,492 --> 00:26:17,035
[people chattering]
512
00:26:17,119 --> 00:26:18,120
[door closes]
513
00:26:26,962 --> 00:26:27,963
[exhales sharply]
514
00:26:29,006 --> 00:26:30,132
Oh.
515
00:26:31,550 --> 00:26:35,137
Oh, Mirabelle. [sighing]
516
00:26:36,096 --> 00:26:38,098
I just had to see you one more time.
517
00:26:41,059 --> 00:26:43,270
I'm gonna assume your head's over here.
518
00:26:43,353 --> 00:26:46,315
[breathing shakily]
519
00:26:52,070 --> 00:26:55,073
You know, I've always wanted a family
of my very own. [sighs]
520
00:26:57,868 --> 00:26:59,828
And I just want you to know I…
521
00:27:00,871 --> 00:27:02,831
I cherished every second we had together.
522
00:27:02,915 --> 00:27:04,958
[sobbing]
523
00:27:05,542 --> 00:27:07,961
I'm gonna miss you,
my little buttercup. [laughs]
524
00:27:12,966 --> 00:27:13,967
[sniffles]
525
00:27:16,970 --> 00:27:18,430
[breathes shakily]
526
00:27:19,181 --> 00:27:21,183
Where in hell's bells is Mirabelle?
527
00:27:21,266 --> 00:27:22,726
[door opens, closes]
528
00:27:22,809 --> 00:27:24,311
[Virginia] I understand your concerns.
529
00:27:24,394 --> 00:27:25,854
And can I, um…
530
00:27:25,938 --> 00:27:27,940
[Maxine gasps] Jeesy chreesy.
531
00:27:28,023 --> 00:27:29,650
[comedic music playing]
532
00:27:29,733 --> 00:27:32,069
I can't believe we're going through
with this shit.
533
00:27:32,152 --> 00:27:34,321
Everyone out there believes Maxine is
in that casket
534
00:27:34,404 --> 00:27:37,115
when she's actually in a hot tub
with her new gay best friend.
535
00:27:38,242 --> 00:27:40,744
If it makes you feel any better,
there's nobody in the coffin.
536
00:27:42,788 --> 00:27:43,997
[Mitzi] I can't go.
537
00:27:44,081 --> 00:27:46,875
The whole town thinks
I'm the one who killed Maxine.
538
00:27:46,959 --> 00:27:49,795
[Douglas] No, we all know that Norma
is the one who killed her.
539
00:27:50,462 --> 00:27:52,047
They think I killed her spirit.
540
00:27:52,714 --> 00:27:54,591
That's why she's haunting me.
541
00:27:54,675 --> 00:27:57,636
That's just your guilty conscience
playing tricks on you. It'll pass.
542
00:27:57,719 --> 00:28:00,514
She was at our back door. I'm telling you.
543
00:28:02,099 --> 00:28:05,269
[sobbing] I can't go to the funeral
and see her body.
544
00:28:05,853 --> 00:28:09,022
I may never see my wife again,
but here's yours.
545
00:28:09,982 --> 00:28:11,024
[Douglas] What is this?
546
00:28:11,108 --> 00:28:13,402
- Maxine.
- [gasps, breathes heavily]
547
00:28:13,485 --> 00:28:16,488
As per the grieving wishes of you,
my Stag brother.
548
00:28:19,324 --> 00:28:20,617
Scatter away.
549
00:28:20,701 --> 00:28:22,786
Apparently, Perry Donahue
went down to the morgue
550
00:28:22,870 --> 00:28:25,205
and threw a temper tantrum
until they agreed to cremate the body.
551
00:28:25,289 --> 00:28:28,667
This town is so fucked up.
552
00:28:30,085 --> 00:28:32,171
And you know who
the most fucked up of them all is?
553
00:28:33,380 --> 00:28:36,967
Maxine. I can't believe I have to eulogize
someone that I actually want to kill.
554
00:28:37,843 --> 00:28:41,054
[Virginia] Just get through today.
Norma is in Palm Beach.
555
00:28:41,138 --> 00:28:43,307
You know she won't be able to stay away.
556
00:28:47,561 --> 00:28:52,858
I appreciate your persistence,
Mirabelle, whoever you are.
557
00:28:53,609 --> 00:28:57,946
But until I find my bootlegger,
I won't be delivering any messages today.
558
00:28:58,030 --> 00:29:01,200
Oh, you'll be delivering a message, Mary.
559
00:29:01,283 --> 00:29:05,579
I know. As soon as the processional
starts, I make my move and then you…
560
00:29:05,662 --> 00:29:07,247
Don't worry about me.
561
00:29:08,373 --> 00:29:11,168
You do your part
and I'll take care of the rest.
562
00:29:12,085 --> 00:29:14,463
And once that's done, I'll be free?
563
00:29:16,423 --> 00:29:17,716
We'll all be free.
564
00:29:18,759 --> 00:29:20,260
Come on, Norma.
565
00:29:20,844 --> 00:29:22,095
Show yourself.
566
00:29:22,179 --> 00:29:24,515
[classical music playing]
567
00:29:28,393 --> 00:29:29,394
[Maxine] Rock Hudson.
568
00:29:29,478 --> 00:29:31,230
He's even cuter up close.
569
00:29:31,313 --> 00:29:33,106
Now, as soon as the ceremony is under way,
570
00:29:33,190 --> 00:29:34,858
I want you to head out back
and start scrubbing.
571
00:29:34,942 --> 00:29:36,902
Nobody's going to want to swim
in a pool with pieces
572
00:29:36,985 --> 00:29:39,655
of Maxine's decomposing
body floating about.
573
00:29:39,738 --> 00:29:40,739
Right away, ma'am.
574
00:29:41,240 --> 00:29:42,491
Hey. Hey.
575
00:29:43,450 --> 00:29:44,493
Do you want to talk?
576
00:29:44,576 --> 00:29:46,662
No, I do not want to talk.
577
00:29:46,745 --> 00:29:49,081
I want Jed to clean
the rotting flesh out of the pool.
578
00:29:49,998 --> 00:29:51,375
Oh, gosh.
579
00:29:51,458 --> 00:29:53,085
Happy Rockefeller.
580
00:29:55,045 --> 00:29:57,172
And as I live and breathe, Babe Paley.
581
00:29:58,507 --> 00:29:59,508
Oh.
582
00:30:03,345 --> 00:30:05,597
Excuse me. Excuse me.
583
00:30:06,098 --> 00:30:08,267
[panting]
584
00:30:09,393 --> 00:30:11,687
Dinah, I thought you were a goner.
585
00:30:11,770 --> 00:30:14,356
- Oh. Perry, not now. Not now.
- [breathing shakily] Oh.
586
00:30:14,439 --> 00:30:17,276
Norma could be anywhere.
I don't want to draw attention to myself.
587
00:30:17,359 --> 00:30:19,945
You have no idea what I've been through.
And now Maxine is gone.
588
00:30:20,028 --> 00:30:21,238
Get your shit together, Perry.
589
00:30:21,321 --> 00:30:24,533
[Maxine] Gee, Perry. I didn't think
we knew each other that well. Hmm.
590
00:30:24,616 --> 00:30:27,411
Are you wearing a bulletproof vest?
591
00:30:27,494 --> 00:30:29,663
Two. [sniffles] I took yours
when I thought you weren't coming.
592
00:30:29,746 --> 00:30:30,956
Just give it to me right now.
593
00:30:31,039 --> 00:30:33,000
- Give it to me.
- I can't give it to you right now. Wait.
594
00:30:33,083 --> 00:30:35,544
You don't have the balls to protect me.
595
00:30:35,627 --> 00:30:38,839
I am just gonna have to protect myself.
596
00:30:38,922 --> 00:30:39,965
Wait. Where are you going?
597
00:30:40,048 --> 00:30:44,136
The only place a woman can truly feel safe
in this world.
598
00:30:44,887 --> 00:30:46,138
The ladies' room.
599
00:30:46,972 --> 00:30:48,682
Thank you very much.
600
00:30:49,516 --> 00:30:50,559
Excuse me.
601
00:30:55,022 --> 00:30:57,774
See, they're all looking at me.
602
00:30:58,734 --> 00:30:59,985
And so is Maxine.
603
00:31:01,278 --> 00:31:02,404
She's following me.
604
00:31:03,322 --> 00:31:04,364
And she's right too.
605
00:31:04,448 --> 00:31:06,450
I've been terrible to her.
606
00:31:06,533 --> 00:31:09,536
I promise you, Maxine is on the counter
where we left her.
607
00:31:12,456 --> 00:31:14,625
No, she's not. She's right there!
608
00:31:14,708 --> 00:31:17,002
Well, if she's in there,
then whose ashes do we have?
609
00:31:17,085 --> 00:31:18,712
Someone's in the kitchen at Dinah's.
610
00:31:18,795 --> 00:31:20,214
[Virginia] I am so sorry.
611
00:31:20,297 --> 00:31:22,257
There must have been
a mix-up with the cremains,
612
00:31:22,341 --> 00:31:25,844
but I can assure you
there's no one in that coffin.
613
00:31:25,928 --> 00:31:27,221
See, Mitz? It's all fine.
614
00:31:27,304 --> 00:31:28,931
- Come on.
- [Mitzi sighs]
615
00:31:30,974 --> 00:31:32,142
[Evelyn] Welcome, friends.
616
00:31:33,894 --> 00:31:36,313
I can hardly believe this is happening.
617
00:31:36,396 --> 00:31:40,067
It all feels so terribly unreal.
618
00:31:41,193 --> 00:31:45,614
I can't help but feel somehow that Maxine
is just gonna turn up one day.
619
00:31:46,615 --> 00:31:48,325
And yet here we are,
620
00:31:48,408 --> 00:31:53,247
saying our final farewell to Maxine.
621
00:31:53,872 --> 00:31:55,457
Who knows what her last name is now?
622
00:31:56,041 --> 00:31:59,127
Maxine came to us as an outsider…
623
00:31:59,211 --> 00:32:00,504
[Douglas breathing heavily]
624
00:32:00,587 --> 00:32:07,386
…but she worked and wormed her way
into our hearts and burrowed in like a…
625
00:32:07,469 --> 00:32:09,012
[sucks on teeth] …like a barnacle…
626
00:32:09,096 --> 00:32:11,932
- [gasps] A barnacle?
- …that clung on to a piece of driftwood
627
00:32:12,015 --> 00:32:13,851
and could not be scraped off.
628
00:32:13,934 --> 00:32:15,477
[suspenseful music playing]
629
00:32:15,561 --> 00:32:18,564
[Evelyn] Oh, no, no, no. Mary.
Mary, stop right there.
630
00:32:19,147 --> 00:32:20,148
[Evelyn sighs]
631
00:32:20,983 --> 00:32:22,067
Mary.
632
00:32:22,818 --> 00:32:24,069
Mary, what are you do…
633
00:32:24,903 --> 00:32:26,071
[Evelyn sighs]
634
00:32:26,697 --> 00:32:30,868
I have a message for Maxine
from the other side.
635
00:32:31,535 --> 00:32:36,039
So, if you all would
just give us a moment of privacy…
636
00:32:36,957 --> 00:32:39,334
No, no, no. Don't do it, Mary. Mary!
637
00:32:43,046 --> 00:32:45,632
[screaming]
638
00:32:45,716 --> 00:32:47,634
No, no, no, no. I just need
a minute. I need a minute.
639
00:32:47,718 --> 00:32:50,512
[crying]
640
00:32:50,596 --> 00:32:52,598
[funeral attendees murmuring]
641
00:32:57,477 --> 00:32:59,980
What the fuck?
642
00:33:02,316 --> 00:33:06,737
Someone named Mirabelle came to me.
643
00:33:07,863 --> 00:33:09,031
And she says…
644
00:33:10,616 --> 00:33:12,409
don't worry about her.
645
00:33:12,492 --> 00:33:14,828
She's having a lot of fun.
646
00:33:15,787 --> 00:33:16,872
And she loves you.
647
00:33:16,955 --> 00:33:20,250
And I'm not sure what this part means,
but she said,
648
00:33:20,334 --> 00:33:24,755
"There's lots of man rods in Heaven."
649
00:33:24,838 --> 00:33:26,089
- [Evelyn] All right, Mary.
- Oh.
650
00:33:26,173 --> 00:33:28,217
That's quite enough
from the spirit world for today.
651
00:33:28,926 --> 00:33:30,844
Now we'll continue with the service.
652
00:33:30,928 --> 00:33:34,640
Actually,
I do have another message to deliver.
653
00:33:34,723 --> 00:33:36,308
[Evelyn] No. Off stage right, Mary.
654
00:33:38,060 --> 00:33:39,978
[sobbing] I know what you're all thinking.
655
00:33:40,771 --> 00:33:42,731
That I shouldn't even be here… [sobs]
656
00:33:43,398 --> 00:33:45,901
…much less speak, but I'm gonna.
657
00:33:48,362 --> 00:33:49,947
- [Douglas sniffles]
- [Perry clears throat]
658
00:33:53,033 --> 00:33:54,034
[sniffles]
659
00:33:56,036 --> 00:33:59,540
[sniffles] Maxine and I
were married for 20 years.
660
00:34:01,792 --> 00:34:02,793
And I loved her.
661
00:34:03,752 --> 00:34:07,256
[sobs] And Maxine, I just want you to know
that I am so sorry
662
00:34:07,339 --> 00:34:09,132
for everything that I have done.
663
00:34:09,882 --> 00:34:13,344
I don't know if you chose me
or I chose you.
664
00:34:14,471 --> 00:34:17,474
Or if love is just something that happens
665
00:34:17,558 --> 00:34:21,978
when two people choose each other
at the same moment.
666
00:34:22,062 --> 00:34:24,063
[sniffles] Like a bargain.
667
00:34:24,857 --> 00:34:28,193
And that beautiful, fragile bargain,
668
00:34:28,277 --> 00:34:30,654
- that may only happen once for a person…
- Jesus. [cries]
669
00:34:30,737 --> 00:34:32,739
…could last a lifetime.
670
00:34:33,239 --> 00:34:34,241
[sniffles]
671
00:34:35,033 --> 00:34:39,580
If both people keep believing
in the singularity of that magic.
672
00:34:39,663 --> 00:34:41,331
[crying]
673
00:34:41,415 --> 00:34:42,833
- I'm so sorry.
- Doug!
674
00:34:42,916 --> 00:34:44,835
I'm so sorry I let you down.
675
00:34:44,918 --> 00:34:47,629
- [Perry] Okay. Okay.
- [crying]
676
00:34:47,713 --> 00:34:49,840
Oh, how deeply maudlin.
677
00:34:50,507 --> 00:34:53,844
[Douglas crying]
678
00:34:57,389 --> 00:34:59,892
[Evelyn] If anyone else
has the urge to express themselves,
679
00:34:59,975 --> 00:35:01,894
please have the good sense to repress it.
680
00:35:02,728 --> 00:35:05,647
We will now resume the scheduled eulogy
681
00:35:05,731 --> 00:35:09,318
delivered by Maxine's dearest friend,
682
00:35:09,401 --> 00:35:13,989
patriot, warrior, American hero,
Mr. Robert Diaz.
683
00:35:15,574 --> 00:35:17,701
[crying]
684
00:35:31,089 --> 00:35:34,384
I don't know about y'all,
but I can't bear to look at her.
685
00:35:34,468 --> 00:35:37,387
[crying]
686
00:35:40,682 --> 00:35:43,644
If Maxine were here with us today,
687
00:35:45,187 --> 00:35:47,564
she would want us to move on
with our lives.
688
00:35:48,315 --> 00:35:49,441
Yes.
689
00:35:49,525 --> 00:35:52,653
She wouldn't want us to get stuck in
690
00:35:53,320 --> 00:35:55,864
sentimental stories or touching anecdotes.
691
00:35:55,948 --> 00:35:57,616
No, I love touching anecdotes.
692
00:35:58,158 --> 00:36:03,205
Maxine, contrary to popular opinion,
she was a very private person.
693
00:36:03,288 --> 00:36:04,414
I was?
694
00:36:04,498 --> 00:36:08,168
So, I'm gonna ask you all
to make a solemn pact
695
00:36:08,752 --> 00:36:11,713
where we don't talk
about Maxine ever again.
696
00:36:12,548 --> 00:36:13,799
Life is too fucking short.
697
00:36:13,882 --> 00:36:16,134
[funeral attendees murmuring]
698
00:36:17,553 --> 00:36:19,471
Thank you. [inhales deeply]
699
00:36:19,555 --> 00:36:25,060
And, uh, now before the Palm Royale
waitstaff brings Maxine to her…
700
00:36:26,728 --> 00:36:29,940
eternal resting place
on the-the ninth hole,
701
00:36:30,023 --> 00:36:36,071
won't you join me
in singing Maxine's favorite song,
702
00:36:36,154 --> 00:36:37,698
honoring her hometown,
703
00:36:38,365 --> 00:36:39,366
Chattanooga?
704
00:36:39,449 --> 00:36:42,035
- [cries]
- Okay. All right.
705
00:36:42,119 --> 00:36:45,581
The lyrics are on the backside
of your prayer cards.
706
00:36:45,664 --> 00:36:47,332
["Chattanooga Choo Choo" plays]
707
00:36:47,416 --> 00:36:49,751
[singer] * Hello railroad *
708
00:36:50,377 --> 00:36:52,796
♪ Is this the railroad? ♪
709
00:36:53,755 --> 00:36:56,758
♪ I want a one way ticket
Down to Tennessee ♪
710
00:36:56,842 --> 00:37:00,470
♪ I'm leaving immediately
Chattanooga, here I come ♪
711
00:37:00,554 --> 00:37:04,516
♪ Pardon me, boys
Is that the Chattanooga Choo Choo? ♪
712
00:37:04,600 --> 00:37:06,602
- [toilet flushes]
- [Dinah sighs]
713
00:37:08,937 --> 00:37:10,606
♪ Boy, you can give me a shine ♪
714
00:37:10,689 --> 00:37:12,065
[music continues softly]
715
00:37:12,149 --> 00:37:13,901
[Dinah] Marjorie Merriweather Post.
716
00:37:15,444 --> 00:37:18,197
- [chuckles]
- How's the mayoral campaign, Dinah?
717
00:37:18,780 --> 00:37:23,827
I must admit it is a terrifying time
to be in politics.
718
00:37:23,911 --> 00:37:25,787
Ever since my speech at your square dance,
719
00:37:25,871 --> 00:37:28,207
someone's been threatening
to unleash the dogs on us.
720
00:37:28,290 --> 00:37:29,666
[barks]
721
00:37:29,750 --> 00:37:32,419
[growling]
722
00:37:32,503 --> 00:37:33,545
[barks]
723
00:37:33,629 --> 00:37:35,047
[door opens, creaks]
724
00:37:41,053 --> 00:37:42,054
You…
725
00:37:43,722 --> 00:37:47,643
are the one that's been sending
the threatening letters?
726
00:37:50,187 --> 00:37:51,188
But why?
727
00:37:51,271 --> 00:37:54,316
Because you took my Dick.
728
00:37:54,399 --> 00:37:56,360
- I'm sorry?
- My Dick.
729
00:37:56,443 --> 00:37:58,403
Richard Milhous Nixon.
730
00:37:58,487 --> 00:37:59,655
My little Ricky.
731
00:38:00,155 --> 00:38:01,365
My little Dickie.
732
00:38:01,949 --> 00:38:03,951
My little droopy dog cutie pie.
733
00:38:04,034 --> 00:38:07,162
Oh… [stammers] …I am so sorry.
734
00:38:07,246 --> 00:38:09,748
I didn't realize that you
and the president were so close.
735
00:38:09,831 --> 00:38:11,166
Of course you didn't.
736
00:38:11,250 --> 00:38:13,627
[singer] * Then to have your ham
And eggs in Carolina *
737
00:38:13,710 --> 00:38:17,005
♪ When you hear the whistle blowing
Eight to the bar ♪
738
00:38:17,089 --> 00:38:20,259
♪ Then you know
That Tennessee is not very far ♪
739
00:38:20,342 --> 00:38:21,885
♪ Shovel all the coal in ♪
740
00:38:21,969 --> 00:38:26,306
The only way for a woman to have power
in this world is to obtain three things.
741
00:38:26,890 --> 00:38:29,101
A buttload of money, a buttload of guns
742
00:38:29,184 --> 00:38:32,980
and the ear of
the most powerful man in the country.
743
00:38:34,231 --> 00:38:37,943
I've been seeing after Dick's needs
for decades.
744
00:38:38,026 --> 00:38:40,070
I'm the one that always made sure
745
00:38:40,153 --> 00:38:43,657
that his milk was lukewarm
and his saltines were cold.
746
00:38:44,449 --> 00:38:47,119
Whatever he needed, I provided.
747
00:38:51,707 --> 00:38:53,584
How very nurturing of you.
748
00:38:53,667 --> 00:38:55,836
I know. I'm a saint.
749
00:38:56,712 --> 00:38:59,131
Unfortunately,
some little hippie tried to kill him.
750
00:38:59,214 --> 00:39:02,301
So now he doesn't want to come
to Palm Beach anymore!
751
00:39:02,384 --> 00:39:04,261
So I thought I'd sweeten the pot.
752
00:39:04,344 --> 00:39:08,223
I offered to donate Mar-a-Lago
to the cause of liberty.
753
00:39:08,807 --> 00:39:10,893
Use it as his winter White House
754
00:39:10,976 --> 00:39:15,022
and then we could continue to canoodle
under the cover of real estate.
755
00:39:15,105 --> 00:39:18,483
But now I realize the real reason
he didn't want to come around.
756
00:39:18,984 --> 00:39:20,736
It wasn't a gun wielding assassin.
757
00:39:20,819 --> 00:39:23,197
It was something far more dangerous.
758
00:39:23,280 --> 00:39:24,740
- What? Me?
- You.
759
00:39:24,823 --> 00:39:25,824
You.
760
00:39:25,908 --> 00:39:28,577
With your white teeth
and your tight little tush.
761
00:39:28,660 --> 00:39:30,996
[singer] * Hey, pardon me, boy *
762
00:39:31,079 --> 00:39:33,457
♪ Is that the Chattanooga
Choo choo choo choo? ♪
763
00:39:33,540 --> 00:39:37,419
♪ Right on track 29, my baby, I'm fine ♪
764
00:39:37,503 --> 00:39:39,046
♪ Boy, you can give me a shine ♪
765
00:39:39,129 --> 00:39:41,757
I can see you are upset.
766
00:39:43,634 --> 00:39:45,093
How can I make this up to you?
767
00:39:45,177 --> 00:39:46,345
I'll give you one hint.
768
00:39:46,845 --> 00:39:49,723
You can crack it,
pour a little milk on it, add some herbs,
769
00:39:49,806 --> 00:39:51,308
but you'll never get an omelet.
770
00:39:52,351 --> 00:39:54,061
Axel's Fabergé egg.
771
00:39:56,480 --> 00:39:57,648
I can assure you…
772
00:39:58,315 --> 00:40:01,860
I have looked high and low
all over my home.
773
00:40:01,944 --> 00:40:03,487
Believe me, we've looked too.
774
00:40:03,570 --> 00:40:06,657
- You've…
- Yes. In your home. With my men.
775
00:40:06,740 --> 00:40:09,451
Eating Malt-O-Meal in your kitchen
whilst they tore the place apart
776
00:40:09,535 --> 00:40:11,161
and put it all back together again.
777
00:40:11,662 --> 00:40:13,455
[chuckling] I feel so violated.
778
00:40:13,539 --> 00:40:16,041
Good. And after we searched your home,
779
00:40:16,124 --> 00:40:20,587
I now know that Axel had a top secret
safety deposit box in Switzerland.
780
00:40:21,672 --> 00:40:26,134
It's the only conceivable place that
final imperial egg could possibly be.
781
00:40:26,218 --> 00:40:30,848
So, if I go to Switzerland and get
that egg, then we'll be square?
782
00:40:30,931 --> 00:40:32,349
We'll be square.
783
00:40:35,269 --> 00:40:36,770
And if I don't get that egg?
784
00:40:36,854 --> 00:40:38,647
- I'll kill you.
- What?
785
00:40:38,730 --> 00:40:39,731
Societally, I mean.
786
00:40:39,815 --> 00:40:41,817
I'll tell everyone you're Nixon's whore.
787
00:40:41,900 --> 00:40:44,152
- But won't that hurt Nixon?
- No.
788
00:40:44,236 --> 00:40:46,238
People never remember what the man did.
789
00:40:46,738 --> 00:40:47,739
Only the woman.
790
00:40:47,823 --> 00:40:50,492
You'll have to carry that stench
for the rest of your life.
791
00:40:51,535 --> 00:40:54,162
[imitates dog barking]
792
00:40:54,872 --> 00:40:55,998
Egg.
793
00:40:56,957 --> 00:40:59,168
- [singer] * Pardon me, boys *
- Everyone now!
794
00:40:59,251 --> 00:41:01,795
♪ Is that the Chattanooga choo choo? ♪
795
00:41:01,879 --> 00:41:04,840
♪ Right on track 29 ♪
796
00:41:04,923 --> 00:41:07,384
♪ Boy, you can give me a shine ♪
797
00:41:07,467 --> 00:41:09,928
♪ Give me a very good shine ♪
798
00:41:10,888 --> 00:41:13,765
["Chattanooga Choo Choo" continues]
799
00:41:23,108 --> 00:41:24,109
Hello, friend.
800
00:41:25,402 --> 00:41:26,862
I have a message for you.
801
00:41:27,988 --> 00:41:28,989
From Norma.
802
00:41:30,282 --> 00:41:32,659
"Go home. Now."
803
00:41:32,743 --> 00:41:35,245
[singer] * I used to call funny face *
804
00:41:35,746 --> 00:41:39,541
♪ She's gonna cry
Until I tell her that I'll never… ♪
805
00:41:43,295 --> 00:41:44,296
[Ann] Hmm.
806
00:41:44,796 --> 00:41:47,341
[suspenseful music playing]
807
00:41:52,596 --> 00:41:53,597
[whispers] Norma.
808
00:42:00,896 --> 00:42:03,023
Virginia. Virginia.
809
00:42:03,106 --> 00:42:05,442
Ann, I thought I told you to
stay down there with the mourners.
810
00:42:05,526 --> 00:42:06,902
She just went into the ladies' room.
811
00:42:06,985 --> 00:42:07,986
Veiled Norma.
812
00:42:08,862 --> 00:42:09,863
There!
813
00:42:15,953 --> 00:42:19,039
[Virginia] I got eyes on Norma.
Suspect is on the premises.
814
00:42:19,122 --> 00:42:20,707
[on radio] Hold your positions.
815
00:42:36,390 --> 00:42:38,851
[funeral attendees gasping, clamoring]
816
00:42:38,934 --> 00:42:39,977
[gasps]
817
00:42:40,769 --> 00:42:41,770
Aha!
818
00:42:41,854 --> 00:42:42,855
Gotcha!
819
00:42:53,323 --> 00:42:54,867
[funeral attendees murmuring]
820
00:42:56,201 --> 00:42:57,286
Hey.
821
00:42:57,369 --> 00:42:58,370
Bruce?
822
00:42:58,912 --> 00:43:00,789
Don't shoot! Please hold your fire!
823
00:43:00,873 --> 00:43:02,124
Put your guns down.
824
00:43:03,125 --> 00:43:04,376
What are you doing?
825
00:43:04,459 --> 00:43:05,878
What you told me to do.
826
00:43:09,673 --> 00:43:10,883
I just want to talk.
827
00:43:12,384 --> 00:43:13,760
I just want to talk to him.
828
00:43:13,844 --> 00:43:15,262
Rock, please.
829
00:43:16,054 --> 00:43:17,097
Rock, don't go.
830
00:43:17,181 --> 00:43:19,933
[yells] Nancy, you are such an evil bitch!
831
00:43:20,976 --> 00:43:22,519
You listen to me, Rock Hudson.
832
00:43:22,603 --> 00:43:24,354
That woman is not your friend!
833
00:43:24,438 --> 00:43:26,440
She's a mediocre actress too!
834
00:43:26,523 --> 00:43:28,317
And a superior bitch!
835
00:43:28,400 --> 00:43:31,236
Nancy Reagan is a fair-weather friend!
836
00:43:31,320 --> 00:43:32,321
Stand down.
837
00:43:32,404 --> 00:43:33,822
Not our target.
838
00:43:33,906 --> 00:43:36,742
- [Bruce] Rock! Rock!
- [gasps]
839
00:43:36,825 --> 00:43:39,161
I can explain. [chuckles]
840
00:43:39,244 --> 00:43:41,496
Um, you see, um… [stammers]
841
00:43:41,580 --> 00:43:43,457
…I was forced against my will by the…
842
00:43:43,540 --> 00:43:45,000
[sighs] It's going to sound crazy.
843
00:43:45,083 --> 00:43:48,462
By the federal government.
They made me do this and…
844
00:43:48,545 --> 00:43:50,714
Tell them, Virginia! Tell 'em!
845
00:43:50,797 --> 00:43:53,050
Thank you so much for coming.
846
00:43:53,133 --> 00:43:56,803
Uh, we have open swim tomorrow
at 11:00 a.m.
847
00:43:58,722 --> 00:44:01,350
[sad music playing]
848
00:44:02,351 --> 00:44:04,436
[sobs] You would've let me believe
that you were dead?
849
00:44:04,520 --> 00:44:05,896
[stammers] I never wanted to…
850
00:44:05,979 --> 00:44:07,731
Just let me live my life in peace.
851
00:44:11,985 --> 00:44:13,570
Douglas. [sighs]
852
00:44:22,996 --> 00:44:23,997
Norma.
853
00:44:25,165 --> 00:44:26,750
[breathes deeply]
854
00:44:49,606 --> 00:44:51,441
[mysterious music playing]
855
00:44:51,525 --> 00:44:53,318
[fire crackling]
856
00:44:53,819 --> 00:44:57,322
[Norma] Oh, you've really let
the place go to hell, haven't you?
857
00:44:58,949 --> 00:45:01,743
Norma, the entire town is looking for you.
858
00:45:02,536 --> 00:45:04,121
The FBI is looking for you.
859
00:45:04,621 --> 00:45:07,124
Ditched the turban, ditched the muumuu.
860
00:45:07,791 --> 00:45:11,044
Nobody's gonna pay
a little old lady any mind.
861
00:45:11,128 --> 00:45:12,504
[scoffs]
862
00:45:12,588 --> 00:45:14,965
I could get away with murder
dressed like this.
863
00:45:16,675 --> 00:45:17,968
I should turn you in to the police.
864
00:45:18,051 --> 00:45:19,595
Oh, but you won't.
865
00:45:20,554 --> 00:45:22,431
We're family, you and I.
866
00:45:23,056 --> 00:45:24,308
What are you doing here?
867
00:45:25,475 --> 00:45:26,476
Darling,
868
00:45:27,603 --> 00:45:29,479
I can see it in your face.
869
00:45:30,189 --> 00:45:33,192
This town has become cruel to you.
870
00:45:33,817 --> 00:45:37,905
Which is why I've come back
to spirit you away.
871
00:45:38,530 --> 00:45:43,452
Don't you realize
I've always thought of you as a son?
872
00:45:46,205 --> 00:45:49,374
Come on, let's blow this popsicle stand.
873
00:45:49,458 --> 00:45:50,459
[exhales deeply]
874
00:45:52,794 --> 00:45:53,795
Yes, Mother.
875
00:45:54,338 --> 00:45:57,049
[chuckles] Come here.
876
00:46:05,849 --> 00:46:07,476
[knocks on door]
877
00:46:07,559 --> 00:46:08,560
[grunts]
878
00:46:09,561 --> 00:46:12,898
Mrs. Martinez,
we have concluded our investigation.
879
00:46:13,649 --> 00:46:15,651
Our final assessment.
880
00:46:16,360 --> 00:46:17,528
Oh, my God.
881
00:46:19,363 --> 00:46:20,364
Evelyn?
882
00:46:21,907 --> 00:46:23,909
- [Evelyn sighs]
- What's going on?
883
00:46:23,992 --> 00:46:26,995
Well, dead corpse floating in the pool,
884
00:46:27,079 --> 00:46:29,748
FBI sting foiled
by Maxine rising from the dead,
885
00:46:29,831 --> 00:46:33,460
and now the Palm Royale
owes eight million dollars in back taxes,
886
00:46:33,544 --> 00:46:35,796
so the IRS is shutting us down
until we settle.
887
00:46:35,879 --> 00:46:36,964
That's what's going on.
888
00:46:37,047 --> 00:46:38,799
At least you didn't lie to me.
889
00:46:38,882 --> 00:46:41,885
I'm sorry I cooperated with the FBI.
My mistake.
890
00:46:41,969 --> 00:46:43,971
I'm sorry I took charge of our lives
891
00:46:44,054 --> 00:46:45,806
while my husband
sat around looking pretty!
892
00:46:47,182 --> 00:46:49,017
That is so unkind.
893
00:46:49,101 --> 00:46:50,686
The Palm Royale is finished.
894
00:46:50,769 --> 00:46:52,771
There's no coming back
from this shit parade
895
00:46:52,855 --> 00:46:55,983
and it's all on me
to dig us out of another goddamn hole!
896
00:46:56,066 --> 00:46:58,819
It's all on you
because you want it that way.
897
00:46:58,902 --> 00:47:00,487
Because you like it that way!
898
00:47:01,029 --> 00:47:02,865
And how about
you stop being so fucking nasty?
899
00:47:02,948 --> 00:47:06,577
How about you tell Jed to get out there
and scrub the goddamn pool!
900
00:47:06,660 --> 00:47:08,036
[speaks Spanish]
901
00:47:08,120 --> 00:47:10,122
And clean the goddamn pool yourself.
902
00:47:12,583 --> 00:47:14,418
[door opens, closes]
903
00:47:22,718 --> 00:47:24,511
["Nature Boy" playing]
904
00:47:27,848 --> 00:47:29,183
[Maxine] Where are you going?
905
00:47:29,933 --> 00:47:30,934
Don't talk to me.
906
00:47:31,018 --> 00:47:32,519
[Maxine] What? What did I do?
907
00:47:32,603 --> 00:47:34,188
Rock left word at the front desk.
908
00:47:35,105 --> 00:47:36,440
He never wants to see me again.
909
00:47:37,357 --> 00:47:38,859
You did the right thing.
910
00:47:40,277 --> 00:47:41,278
I know you're right,
911
00:47:41,862 --> 00:47:43,113
but I still feel like shit.
912
00:47:43,197 --> 00:47:44,489
So thanks for that.
913
00:47:47,409 --> 00:47:48,911
See ya around, maybe.
914
00:47:49,453 --> 00:47:52,247
Oh. Okay. Well, see ya.
915
00:48:00,631 --> 00:48:02,090
Douglas. [chuckles]
916
00:48:03,175 --> 00:48:05,302
Virginia filled me in on what happened
917
00:48:06,720 --> 00:48:07,721
with Mirabelle.
918
00:48:07,804 --> 00:48:09,139
And…
919
00:48:09,223 --> 00:48:12,893
And I… I brought you her ashes.
I… I thought you might want them.
920
00:48:12,976 --> 00:48:14,394
[gasps]
921
00:48:14,478 --> 00:48:19,191
I know you always wanted a family, Max.
I'm just… I'm… I'm so sorry.
922
00:48:19,274 --> 00:48:20,442
[exhales sharply]
923
00:48:22,236 --> 00:48:23,237
This is…
924
00:48:24,321 --> 00:48:25,572
This is so sweet…
925
00:48:32,829 --> 00:48:33,914
[sighs]
926
00:48:41,964 --> 00:48:43,131
Jed?
927
00:48:43,924 --> 00:48:44,925
These are my
928
00:48:45,968 --> 00:48:47,094
private quarters.
929
00:48:48,512 --> 00:48:49,721
You shouldn't be here.
930
00:48:50,305 --> 00:48:53,725
I was wondering
if there was anything you needed.
931
00:48:54,268 --> 00:48:56,144
Did you clean the pool?
932
00:49:01,358 --> 00:49:02,359
Maybe I did.
933
00:49:04,152 --> 00:49:05,529
Maybe I didn't.
934
00:49:11,869 --> 00:49:13,328
Oh. [sighs]
935
00:49:14,162 --> 00:49:15,163
Shit.
936
00:49:21,503 --> 00:49:23,797
- [gasps]
- Permission to come aboard?
937
00:49:23,881 --> 00:49:25,174
Permission granted.
938
00:49:28,427 --> 00:49:30,846
[Evelyn moaning, panting]
939
00:49:38,228 --> 00:49:40,898
Thanks for bringing me Mirabelle.
940
00:49:42,149 --> 00:49:44,860
It's very graceful of you
941
00:49:45,402 --> 00:49:47,654
considering the circumstances.
942
00:50:06,048 --> 00:50:07,090
Maxine?
943
00:50:08,884 --> 00:50:09,885
Trust me.
944
00:50:11,970 --> 00:50:13,222
She'll be happy in here.
945
00:50:14,181 --> 00:50:15,182
[chuckles]
946
00:50:19,186 --> 00:50:20,187
[Douglas sighs]
947
00:50:21,146 --> 00:50:22,898
Maxine, I need to ask you something.
948
00:50:22,981 --> 00:50:26,151
I'm going to Switzerland… [stammers]
…and I want you to come with me.
949
00:50:27,402 --> 00:50:29,905
Actually… [stammers]
…I need you to come with me.
950
00:50:29,988 --> 00:50:31,698
To-To be there in person,
951
00:50:32,991 --> 00:50:36,119
so that you can sign away your claim
on the baby trust. [stammers]
952
00:50:36,203 --> 00:50:39,456
It's just… [stammers]
It's just kind of a red tape thing.
953
00:50:40,290 --> 00:50:42,709
You know,
because of us having been married. [sighs]
954
00:50:43,752 --> 00:50:46,213
I'm sorry it's so last minute.
955
00:50:46,296 --> 00:50:51,426
It didn't matter when you were dead,
but now that you're alive…
956
00:50:58,976 --> 00:51:01,937
I heard what you said at the funeral.
957
00:51:02,688 --> 00:51:03,772
Um…
958
00:51:05,190 --> 00:51:06,233
That you love me.
959
00:51:07,401 --> 00:51:10,070
And I want you to know
that I accept your apology.
960
00:51:11,488 --> 00:51:12,865
And I love you too.
961
00:51:14,700 --> 00:51:16,410
[groans] This has all just gone…
962
00:51:17,119 --> 00:51:18,787
It's gone too far. I just…
963
00:51:19,454 --> 00:51:21,790
I've had so many feelings today
and I just… I…
964
00:51:23,083 --> 00:51:25,002
I need to go home and stop feeling.
965
00:51:26,712 --> 00:51:28,463
[Maxine] Well, did you mean what you said?
966
00:51:31,383 --> 00:51:32,843
[Douglas sighs]
967
00:51:32,926 --> 00:51:35,721
[romantic music playing]
968
00:51:50,068 --> 00:51:51,195
I'll take that as a yes.
969
00:51:51,820 --> 00:51:53,071
I'll go to Switzerland.
970
00:51:54,948 --> 00:51:56,116
Wait, Switzerland?
971
00:51:58,452 --> 00:52:01,413
That's the scene of Norma's first crime.
972
00:52:02,456 --> 00:52:03,582
Max…
973
00:52:05,709 --> 00:52:07,711
[fire crackling]
974
00:52:09,338 --> 00:52:10,797
You ready for round two?
975
00:52:11,548 --> 00:52:13,258
I'm ready for you to clean the pool.
976
00:52:14,551 --> 00:52:15,636
That'll be all, Jed.
977
00:52:17,638 --> 00:52:18,680
Well, goddamn.
978
00:52:31,527 --> 00:52:34,488
- Get back inside your coffin, Maxine.
- She's mad at you.
979
00:52:34,571 --> 00:52:37,282
- Yeah, I can tell.
- You know they almost fired me today?
980
00:52:37,366 --> 00:52:39,201
And if I was a white man,
they probably would have.
981
00:52:39,284 --> 00:52:41,370
The only reason why they're
keeping me around is to trot me out
982
00:52:41,453 --> 00:52:43,247
whenever the FBI is accused
of being racist.
983
00:52:43,330 --> 00:52:44,831
[stammers] I'm so sorry.
984
00:52:44,915 --> 00:52:46,542
She's in a very dark place.
985
00:52:46,625 --> 00:52:47,626
[footsteps approaching]
986
00:52:47,709 --> 00:52:49,753
- [Mary] Maxine.
- Oh.
987
00:52:50,671 --> 00:52:51,880
Hello, Mary.
988
00:52:53,006 --> 00:52:54,091
[Mary] Virginia,
989
00:52:54,967 --> 00:52:57,928
now that you are in law enforcement,
990
00:52:58,011 --> 00:53:00,597
I would like to report a missing person.
991
00:53:00,681 --> 00:53:02,224
Oh, yeah? Who?
992
00:53:02,307 --> 00:53:03,308
Me!
993
00:53:04,476 --> 00:53:07,646
For three days…
994
00:53:09,231 --> 00:53:12,109
I was being held hostage
995
00:53:12,192 --> 00:53:14,486
- in my very own home…
- What?
996
00:53:14,570 --> 00:53:18,198
…by the same murderess
997
00:53:18,282 --> 00:53:22,244
that you have been trying to capture,
998
00:53:22,995 --> 00:53:24,538
and no one cared.
999
00:53:24,621 --> 00:53:28,333
No, no one sent up flares for Mary.
1000
00:53:29,126 --> 00:53:30,377
And meanwhile,
1001
00:53:31,086 --> 00:53:33,797
my bootlegger is gone.
1002
00:53:35,966 --> 00:53:42,890
My one chance at finding
true and lasting passion…
1003
00:53:42,973 --> 00:53:45,684
- [inhales sharply]
- …evaporated into thin air
1004
00:53:45,767 --> 00:53:49,730
as soon as Norma arrived
and took me hostage.
1005
00:53:50,647 --> 00:53:52,649
[gasps] When will I find love?
1006
00:53:54,318 --> 00:53:55,652
When?
1007
00:53:56,528 --> 00:54:00,157
I… I don't know.
But can we go back to Norma?
1008
00:54:00,240 --> 00:54:02,618
[stammers] I'm sorry,
she's… she's at your house?
1009
00:54:03,952 --> 00:54:04,953
Was.
1010
00:54:05,037 --> 00:54:06,038
She left.
1011
00:54:06,788 --> 00:54:12,711
She had me deliver a message to Robert
saying to go home and I did that.
1012
00:54:13,420 --> 00:54:15,839
And now I'm free, no thanks to you,
1013
00:54:15,923 --> 00:54:19,593
to go and search for my bootlegger.
1014
00:54:21,970 --> 00:54:23,013
[Mary breathes shakily]
1015
00:54:24,556 --> 00:54:26,183
[inhales sharply] And no.
1016
00:54:27,142 --> 00:54:32,105
I do not need any help
from "law enforcement."
1017
00:54:33,857 --> 00:54:35,526
The spirit is strong
1018
00:54:36,735 --> 00:54:39,196
and she will guide me.
1019
00:54:44,451 --> 00:54:46,119
[Virginia] We gotta get to the Dellacorte.
1020
00:54:48,789 --> 00:54:50,123
Norma's a genius.
1021
00:54:50,958 --> 00:54:52,000
[sighs]
1022
00:54:53,126 --> 00:54:54,169
They're gone.
1023
00:54:55,003 --> 00:54:56,839
They're both gone.
1024
00:54:56,922 --> 00:54:58,006
[Ann] Both?
1025
00:54:58,090 --> 00:54:59,967
Norma and Robert. Don't you see?
1026
00:55:00,050 --> 00:55:02,761
While this whole town
was here trying to trap her,
1027
00:55:03,428 --> 00:55:05,973
she slipped in… [stammers]
…and she took him…
1028
00:55:06,056 --> 00:55:07,391
- Where her trail ran cold.
- Yes.
1029
00:55:07,474 --> 00:55:09,434
Where she vacations with Mary in the Alps.
1030
00:55:09,518 --> 00:55:11,645
Where she had Robert send her paintings.
1031
00:55:12,563 --> 00:55:13,605
[all] Switzerland!
1032
00:55:13,689 --> 00:55:14,898
["Fools Rush In" playing]
1033
00:55:14,982 --> 00:55:16,149
[Evelyn sighs]
1034
00:55:26,159 --> 00:55:27,452
[sighs]
1035
00:55:56,273 --> 00:55:58,525
"To Jed, I'll love you forever.
1036
00:55:59,234 --> 00:56:00,777
Your Mitzi."
1037
00:56:02,738 --> 00:56:03,739
Well,
1038
00:56:05,282 --> 00:56:07,784
this will do quite nicely.
1039
00:56:08,452 --> 00:56:09,536
[door opens, closes]
1040
00:56:13,498 --> 00:56:15,876
[Maxine]
I know today was a bit challenging,
1041
00:56:15,959 --> 00:56:18,921
but I'm going to Switzerland
with Douglas and Mitzi.
1042
00:56:19,505 --> 00:56:20,714
Strictly business.
1043
00:56:21,465 --> 00:56:23,800
But since you're my conservator,
1044
00:56:24,384 --> 00:56:28,347
I need your permission to travel.
Just a quick John Hancock.
1045
00:56:28,430 --> 00:56:31,016
- With Mitzi? You don't say.
- Hmm.
1046
00:56:31,099 --> 00:56:32,309
I know.
1047
00:56:32,392 --> 00:56:33,977
I'll do you one better, Maxine.
1048
00:56:34,728 --> 00:56:35,729
I'll come with you.
1049
00:56:36,480 --> 00:56:41,235
Eddie and I could use a little time away
and Switzerland could be just the thing.
1050
00:56:50,702 --> 00:56:52,037
[Mary] Mirabelle said…
1051
00:56:52,120 --> 00:56:53,539
[wind whistling]
1052
00:56:53,622 --> 00:56:55,999
…I would find the killer by the pool.
1053
00:56:58,377 --> 00:56:59,378
Yes.
1054
00:56:59,920 --> 00:57:02,589
The energies are strong right here.
1055
00:57:05,425 --> 00:57:07,636
Killer of Maxine,
1056
00:57:08,762 --> 00:57:10,222
reveal thyself.
1057
00:57:17,104 --> 00:57:18,188
[gasps]
1058
00:57:20,232 --> 00:57:22,818
Oh. My bootlegger.
1059
00:57:23,443 --> 00:57:24,570
At last.
1060
00:57:26,113 --> 00:57:27,281
Where have you been?
1061
00:57:29,575 --> 00:57:30,909
I've missed you.
1062
00:57:44,756 --> 00:57:47,092
["Someone's In the Kitchen
with Dinah" playing]